wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
