Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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