The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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