Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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