benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
