you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
