Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
