Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
