I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
