I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
