I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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