He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
