I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
