I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
