I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
