Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
