i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
