She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
