so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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