i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
