The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
