The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The adults are the big ones right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
