So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
