the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
