**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
