I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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