So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize