is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
