ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
