there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
