Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
