You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
