I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
