Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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