Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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