you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
