rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
