Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've blown a few things in my day
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
