I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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