I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
