I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize