I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
