I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
