You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
