When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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