Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize