Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
