no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
