Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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