thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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