Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
