I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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