Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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