I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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