There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
