Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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