Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
