i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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