Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
