She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
