so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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