Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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