Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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