The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
