Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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