I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
