I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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