would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
