Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
