wat bout pragnant strippers??
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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