i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
