I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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