a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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