If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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