There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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