you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
