u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
