Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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