HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Randomize
