my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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