He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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