just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
