he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize