I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
