nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
