I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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