so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
