You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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