I just made out with a guy for $7.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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