i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
