you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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