He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
