It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize