I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
