NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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