So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
