Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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