wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You smell like stripper and shame
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just found puke in my bra..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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