It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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