At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
