I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
