Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
